156. Darkness Within

Warning: coarse language, violence, mature themes, self-harm, 

Bridgeport, present day...

The cat was still there when Krisis came back from Aquarius. It followed him to the carport when it saw him drive in.

“You again?” Krisis mumbled as he jumped off the bike.

The cat purred at his feet. He stopped to look at it. It rubbed itself on his jeans leg; the tinkling sound of the chime dangling on its collar caught his attention.

“Weird,” he thought. The cat wasn’t wearing a collar before; he would have noticed if it was.

He picked it up and checked its collar. The heart shaped chime reminded him of a locket he'd given to Lily, his grandmother, to ward off compulsion.

He gently pried the pendant open, hoping he’d find a name inside, either the pet’s or the owner’s.

He let out a low, guttural sound, it sounded like a bark almost.

On one slot, there was a picture of him posing with Leigh at the After Dark launch; Leigh’s face though had been scratched out with a red felt-tip pen.

The words "you and I together soon” were engraved on the other slot where the picture of the "I" in the message should have been.

His first instinct was to drop the cat, and forget he ever saw the creepy message, and he was about to when the front door opened and Leigh poked her head out.

“Krisis? Is that you?” She squinted at the darkness.

The cat meowed in his arms, the sound made Leigh tense; Krisis could hear her rapid heartbeat from where he was.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he called out to her, hoping she wouldn’t come outside. But she did when she heard his voice.

“Is that a cat in your arms?” she peered at him, without her contact lenses or glasses she was as blind as a bat.

“Yeah, I think it’s a stray,” Krisis lied as he quickly untied the cat’s collar and stuffed it in his pocket. He didn’t want Leigh to see the locket and its creepy message.

“So that’s what woke me up,” Leigh laughed softly. “Can I hold it?”

Krisis hesitated. He didn’t think it was a good idea; he didn’t want her getting cozy with the cat, but her eagerness made him melt and he gently handed it to her.

“Hey you, are you hungry? Do you want some milk?” She brushed the top of the cat’s head and it purred its affirmative.

“Of course you do,” Leigh laughed again as she snuggled the cat on her chest.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, taking him inside the house. The kids might be allergic.” Krisis knew he was reaching, his kids were as healthy as a horse, but there was no way he’d let the cat inside their home.

“It’s snowing, Krisis. We can’t leave him out here. And he’s hungry. Come on, just for tonight?” Leigh begged him.

“I don’t know.”

“Please? Look at him? How can you say no to him?”

“Okay. One night, Leigh. We’re taking him to the shelter tomorrow,” Krisis caved. He could never say no to her.

Later, with the cat fed and nestling in front of the fireplace, Krisis and Leigh went to the living room and snuggled on the couch, she’d become a night owl since she met him.

She put her head on his lap and he played with her hair. An old black and white movie was on, some sappy love story.

Krisis’ eyes were glued to the screen, but his mind wasn’t there, he kept thinking about the collar in his pocket, it felt heavy and it filled him with dread, making all his fears about the future more tangible.

If it was anywhere else, he wouldn’t have cared. If the cat was left at O+ Records, he wouldn’t have thought much of it, and he would have just chalked it down to a crazy fan.

He knew this was also the work of a crazy fan. But this one was much more brazen than any he’d encountered in the past. They came to his home, left the cat and the locket while Leigh and his kids were sleeping. That didn’t sit well with him. He had to speak with Nick and Tony ASAP and arrange for live-in security for Leigh and the kids.

“Why do you hate the cat so much?” Leigh asked suddenly as she stared up at him.

Krisis was caught off guard, for a second he couldn’t speak, the worried frown in his eyes stayed frozen in place.

“So? What’s the deal? Is it cats you hate, or just pets in general? It would be great for the kids to have a pet,” Leigh added.

“I know. It’s just that-” He started to explain but then he promptly fell silent. He didn’t want her to worry, and he didn’t want her to know just how seriously he was taking Ariel’s premonitions. But he’d almost lost her too many times in the past because he’d kept stuff from her. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

Krisis shifted slightly on the couch as he retrieved the collar from his pocket. He handed it to Leigh without saying a word.

“What’s this?” Leigh asked as she sat up. But even as she said this, she was already opening the pendant.

Her reaction when she saw their photo with the creepy message mirrored his, earlier.

“It’s the cat’s?” She asked and Krisis nodded.

“Okay. It must be a fan right. Nothing to worry about! I mean you get all sorts of strange things from your fans,” she laughed. It sounded genuine, like she wasn’t really bothered by the collar, but her pacing suggested otherwise. 

Krisis got up from the couch and held her in place. “This is different, Leigh. They came to our home. But I don’t want you to worry, okay? We’ll fix this. Nick and Tony will be around 24/7. It may be nothing. Maybe a fan just went overzealous that’s all.”

“You’re right. It’s nothing,” Leigh laughed again and Krisis held her close to him. It pained him to watch her try her damndest to conceal her fears from him.

“Nothing will happen to you, Leigh. I promise you.”

“But if it does, and you can’t turn me for some reason, I need to know the kids will be okay. I need to know you’ll be okay,” Leigh argued.

“Stop it!” He growled harshly. “Nothing will happen to you. You are not going to anywhere. And this collar has nothing to do with Ariel’s predictions."

But they both knew it had everything to do with Ariel’s prediction. It had started. They could feel it. They could feel the rug being pulled from under their feet and there was nothing they could do besides sit and wait it out and hope he used the one chance he had to make them whole again.

“I love you,” he told her over and over, hoping that if he said the words long enough, and loud enough it would change their future and rewrite their story somehow.

From her vantage point up in the hills, hidden by the large Weeping Willows, Carmen Jones was the happiest woman in the world as she watched Krisis’ house through her telescope.

Krisis loved her little gift. Why else would he take the collar from the cat and stuff it in his pocket if he didn’t? She knew he’d love the heart shaped pendant too. Everybody loves hearts.

But the icing on the cake was the way he warmed to the cat, Knick-knack. He was obviously going to care for him and make him part of his family. Lily and the triplets would be so happy with Knick-Knack too. Soon, she’d be joining them and then their little family will be complete.

She’d be a good mommy to the triplets and Lily. She’d do a better job than that Ashleigh ‘pinch-face’ Starlington.

Yes, soon, she’d join her family. And they’d be very happy to have her. They didn’t know it, but they were so lucky to have someone who loved them as much she did; there was nothing she wouldn’t do for them.

Nothing…

Her mood took a sudden nosedive when she returned to her apartment and found Beau waiting for her.

“Where the fuck have you been?” He growled as he backed her against the wall.

She tried to sidestep him, but he was way too quick for her. He grabbed her arm roughly and held it over her head, banging it on the wall over and over. A sharp pain shot up her wrist, but she couldn’t stop the smile from creeping up her lips.

Violence was the only language she understood. She loved it when Beau got furious, and she loved ticking him off.

“It’s none of your business,” she smiled when her answer seemed to drive him over the edge.

“The hell it is! You don’t fucking go anywhere without letting me know. You’d better not have gone near Krisis or so help me God Carmen I will kill you!”

“You wouldn’t. You need me,” Carmen pushed a little further, wishing he’d take the bait and just go over the edge. She wanted him to hit her; she wanted to feel pain so desperately.

“Try me!” To her disappointment, Beau walked away, leaving her feeling deflated.

“Open the damn door,” he barked at her.

Inside her apartment, she turned on all the lights and smiled when she saw her wall paper. Krisis understood violence. He’d killed a man. Surely he liked pain too.

“Where have you been?” Beau asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Carmen shrugged, “I went to leave Krisis a little gift.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Relax, he didn’t see me.” Carmen assured him as she kicked off her boots. She went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. She didn’t offer Beau any.

“Look, it’s important Krisis doesn’t know about you until the very last moment Carmen. He can’t see you.”

“But where’s the fun in that? He needs to know I’m working on securing our future,” Carmen argued.

“He’ll love you all the more for it. But for now, cut out the gifts Carmen, and stop stalking him.”

“Okay,” Carmen agreed.

“I mean it!” Beau barked again. He got up from the couch and paced.

Carmen left her place too and watched him like a hawk; she knew something was on his mind.

“What’s going on?” She peered at him over the rim of her bottle. Ordinarily she wouldn’t ask, she didn’t like getting involved in others’ affairs, but this was her partner in crime, if he wasn’t happy, then she wasn’t either.

 “It’s Bianca and Vlad. Vlad keeps shifting, he did it in class and we were called in. Bianca wants to take him to the hospital, but I won’t let her. I won’t!” Beau fumed. He stopped abruptly in front of the window and stared blankly at the glass pane, it was covered by a thin film of ice.

It was still snowing outside. The weatherman predicted it would continue well into the weekend, some road closures were expected too. Carmen wished Beau would leave soon. She didn’t want to get snowed under with him. She wanted to snuggle up in bed and stare at her scrapbooks. Better yet she’d start working on a new scrapbook. One that included the kids. But goodness it was going to be so hard since Ashleigh ‘pinch-face’ Starlington never allowed paparazzi to take pictures of the kids.

“Do you want me to talk to Bianca?” She asked, forcing her mind back to her partner. The sooner she helped him sort through his shit, the sooner he’d leave.

“You? Yeah, right!” Beau let out a small scornful sound, it left Carmen feeling enraged.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She demanded angrily, disappointed that Beau obviously didn’t think much of her social skills.

“Let’s face it Carmen, you are not a girls’ pal. And Bianca hates you,” Beau told her. The moment he said that, Carmen saw regret in his eyes, he’d said too much to the wrong person.

“Oh she does now?” It was her turn to scoff.

“I mean she doesn’t know you well,” Beau tried to backtrack, but they both knew the damage was done.

Carmen didn’t like people who disliked her for no reason. In fact she didn’t like people who disliked her period. But she always managed to turn them around or get rid of them. She’d told Beau this in the same breath she’d announced she’d done time.

“Well, don’t you think we should remedy that?” Carmen asked sweetly as she sat down on her bed. She closed her eyes, thinking about Ping, the lead actress in their high school rendition of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Ping was a real bitch; she was snobbish as hell, hung out with the ‘it’ crowd and only talked to you if you had a trust fund. But Carmen had really admired her, she’d liked the way she dressed and talked, the way she was so popular. She had wanted to be just like Ping but she knew it was impossible, there could only be one Ping, so she would have settled for her friendship, and she wouldn’t have minded walking in her shadow too.

But the most popular girl in school never gave her the time of day, in fact Carmen had overhead her tell someone in the girl’s locker room after gym class that she found her creepy and disgusting.

Months after the locker room incident, Ping’s hands were badly scarred by sulphuric acid just before she had to take the stage and give the best performance of her life.

The list of people who’d hated Ping was very long, but even with so many suspects, the culprit was never found. No one ever figured out how sulphuric acid ended up in her makeup kit and nobody had suspected mousy Lisa Chen, as Carmen was known then.

“Stay away from Bianca and Vlad. I will kill you Carmen, no questions asked if you so much as look at them the wrong way.” Beau threatened. She knew he meant every word.

“It’s a pity Bianca has never bothered to get to know me,” Carmen’s smile was slightly dazed as she blinked up at him.

“She doesn’t have to. Your arrangement is with me!” With that Beau let himself out of her apartment.

Carmen got up from the bed and locked the front door. She closed all the curtains and switched on the heater in her bedroom.

In her equally tiny bathroom she took out a knife from the medicine cabinet above the sink. She stared at it for some time, fascinated by the light bouncing off the long shiny blade.

She peeled off her clothes and slashed a perfect line across her midriff. The pain was excruciating, but her whimpers were filled with pleasure as she watched her blood ooze down her abdomen in long uneven trails and coagulate in the waistline of her cotton underwear.

For what felt like hours, but was in fact minutes, she slashed away at her tummy and inner thighs, parts of her body no one would see.

Cutting herself just to see how much she’d bleed, how much she could stand pain, had gotten her through those long, dark hours in her cell, when she had nothing else to do but stare at the ceiling. It had gotten her through high school and her moments of hopelessness, the long dark hours of her depression.

As she lay on the cold, dirty tiles, with the knife still in her hand, she stared at her reflection on the blade and she wondered about Krisis, she wondered if he’d enjoyed killing Vladimir, if he’d liked causing him pain…