192. What Kind Of A Man Would I Be?

Warning: language and mention of drugs.

Twinbrook Amphitheater, 11:45pm

If I had two hearts

  

I slide against the wall,

don't see anything at all,

the pain, the pain, it surrounds me....

  

As I look up to the

 sky,

ask a million questions why,

I hurt, I hurt, I am not free....

  

I am waiting in the dark,

I cannot feel where you are,

please come, please come, someone save me....

  

I protected our dreams with all my soul,

I gave all I was for you...

You've chosen a path I can't follow,

and I want you to know,

my soul is yours, my heart is yours,

use them at your will...

I've no regrets if you choose to take

the very life from me

  

I know I have a heart,

it is straining much too hard,

it cries, it cries, you don't see me....

  

If I only had two hearts,

you could tear this one apart,

then

 leave, oh leave, please release me...

  

But I only have one

 heart,

and you've torn this one apart,

the pain, I hurt, please release me...

Subway Glances

I envision this, 

- a world with you,

- - a place with you,

- - - I escape to you

you're my single joy,

- you're all I know,

- - you're all I want,

- - - need you for my own

can I come to you,

- alone with you,

- - your hand in mine

- - - as we slip away

will you look at me,

- please look this way,

- - your eyes on me,

- - - I want you to see

look at me closely,

see only me...

come to me, ... closer,

... want only me....

I will not give you away,

I will not lose my faith ... in you,

... stay in my arms, forever

how I long for you,

- you by my side,

- - you, here with me,

- - - for eternity

will you look at me,

- please look this way,

- - your eyes on me,

- - - just want you to see

you are my desire,

- you're all I need,

- - you're all I want,

- - - will you come to me

will you look at me,

- please look this way,

- - your eyes on me,

- - - I want you with me

look at me closely,

see only me...

come to me, ... closer,

... want only me....

I will not give you away,

I will not lose my faith ... in you,

... stay in my arms, forever

Feeling Cheated

  

Hello? Where is everyone?

I’ve secluded myself, shut myself in ...

I am ready to come back,  

to the living …

no one is here ….

  

Help me. Tell me something…

I know I’ve been gone, gone a long time...

I’ve come out of the shadows,

to emptiness …

no one is here ….

  

Show me.  Lead me somewhere...

I've lost my clear path, blinded by night....

I am seeking a way home,

to the sunshine...

no one is here …

  

(chorus -1)

Take me.... take me somewhere far away

Oh the dangerous game we play

forever losing, forever failing...

I've

 lost my way... I've lost my way....

  

Hello? I need to see someone

I am come undone, breaking in two....

I don't want to end this here,

undeserving...

no one is here....

  

Help me.  Teach me of life...

I know nothing now, of what should be...

I don't want this to end here,

undeserving...

no one is here....

  

Show me. Show me I am real...

I do believe I'm real, want to be real...

Now I know it must end here,

undeserving...

always alone....

  

(chorus -2)

End me... end my time of misery

Before there's nothing left of me

forgetting sunlight, forgetting my life

I've lost my self... I've lost myself...

  

Take me.... take me somewhere far away

Oh the

 dangerous game we play

forever losing, forever failing...

I've lost my way... I've lost my way....

So Epic It Hurts

As I watch your eyes, I see your light fade away....

I can touch you now, but I can't make you stay.... 

Your life rises to the sun, the sun I never call a friend....

Will never call a friend

As I touch your face, I feel your soft, slight tremor....

I can hold you now, I can't hold you forever....

Your life rises with the wind, a wind I never call a friend....

will never call a friend

The Sun! In a moment, like a rainbow, your beauty leaves me

The Wind! In a moment, like a feather, you gently leave me

This life! My life! 

- Epic, so it's called, 

- I don't want to see you go,

- I just want you by my side, forever.... forever....

As I lie you down, I sense your slowing heartbeat....

I can feel you now, but I fear it's all a dream...

Your life rises to the moon, a moon I never call a friend....

will never call a friend

As my tears fall down, I see your soul fly away....

I don't touch you now, 'cause I can't make you stay....

You have risen to the sun, you have floated on the wind, 

You are dancing with the moon, I will not see you again!

The Sun! In a moment, like a rainbow, your beauty leaves me

The Wind! In a moment, like a feather, you gently leave me

This life! My life! 

- Epic, so it's called, 

- I don't want to see you go,

- I just want you by my side, forever.... forever....

- I don't want to see you go,

- I just want you by my side, forever.... forever....

This life... my life... so epic it hurts.

“More! More! More!” The crowd cheered over and over when K-Infinity brought I So Epic It Hurts to a close. This time though they didn’t give in to their fans’ demands of an encore, they quickly vacated their spots. None of them could believe they’d just wrapped up their final show in Twinbrook; the past four weeks had flown by so quickly for everyone.

Back at the hotel, the mood was awesome verging on epic.

J.D. and Krimsyn only had eyes for each other…

 And so did Cameron and Michaela.

At the blackjack table Joshua was flirting up a storm with Cheryl and Katie in a bid to make Michaela jealous.

In his warped mind he was convinced his stunts worked when he overheard his Sire tell Katie that he's a weirdo.

Joshua thought Michaela was obviously warning off potential competition. In reality though, Michaela was only looking out for the girls. She knew Joshua was a predator; she’d never forgive herself if he hurt someone she cared about.

Groupies, drinks, drugs and sex flowed freely for a large part of the night. Everyone seemed to be having fun. Everyone but Krisis.

The whole time he was on stage he’d had a strange feeling that something was wrong with Leigh; as a result he’d made mess of his performance. Thankfully his band mates had carried him through most of the evening and covered it up for him.

Krisis went outside now, and tried Leigh’s mobile again. But it was still turned off.

He was about to call Nick when his phone rang. It was his father. Leigh was at Bridgeport Memorial, fighting for her life.

“I’m on my way,” he told Thornton with a calmness he didn’t feel.

He didn’t even bother to go back inside and let everyone know. He hailed a cab and asked the driver to take him to the airport.

The short flight home was unbearable. On more than one occasion Krisis wished he could fly airplanes. He would have flown the damn thing much faster and broken every air traffic violation.

An hour and half later Krisis was back in Bridgeport.

He went straight to the hospital.

Dr. Reese, Leigh’s doctor, assured him she would pull through. She’d lost a lot of blood, but Devon being her blood match had helped with the transfusion. She’d broken few bones too; thankfully it was nothing permanent, no paralysis. Her right leg would be out of action for a while though, but with proper physio she’d regain full mobility in a month or two, three at most.

Krisis thanked the doctor and asked to see his wife.

“Of course, this way Mr. Frost.” Dr. Reese showed him to Leigh’s private ward.

Krisis frowned darkly when he saw Sandra and Ray stationed outside the room.

“You’re fired!” He dismissed them without a moment’s thought. “My instructions were clear and specific, but you both failed to perform your duties.”

“But…”

“Mrs. Frost…” They tried to explain their side of the mess, and why the afternoon turned out the way it had, but Krisis wasn’t interested in their excuses.

“My people will be in contact with your people to work out the details of your dismissal. Good evening, ladies!” With that he let himself in to Leigh’s ward.

Eloise hugged him when he walked in, and Devon acknowledged his presence with a subdued nod.

“How is she?” He asked them, but his gaze was glued to Leigh. 

She looked so small under the depressing hospital covers. Her left cheek was covered by a nasty bruise. Krisis guessed that’s the side she’d landed on when the car hit her.

“She’s still out. The doctor’s said she may not wake up for a while,” Devon explained as he rose from his chair.

Krisis sat in the chair his brother-in-law had just vacated. He took Leigh’s hand and squeezed it, his fingers gently caressing her wedding ring, the symbol of his unwavering love for her, a love that had promised to protect her at all costs. But he’d failed her.

“We hate to leave you at a time like this, but we have to relieve the babysitter,” Eloise squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. Krisis patted her hand. He understood. And he was grateful they were both there for Leigh when he wasn’t.

Alone, as he leaned over Leigh’s cot, he finally broke down.

He buried his head on the covers to muffle his enraged sobs. He couldn’t believe how close he came to losing her.

“Never again,” he vowed as he brushed away his tears. He’d never leave her alone again. Never rely on anyone else to keep her safe. He’d trusted Nick and Tony, trusted them with her life. He shouldn’t have.

He got up from the bed and strolled to the window. Other than the back of City Hall, there was nothing else to see, no amazing view of the skyline or ocean. Just fucking greyness.

He was still standing by the window when Thornton walked in ten minutes later; he stood just inside the door and sniffed the air before his gaze fell on him.

“Who was here?” He asked as he crossed the room.

“Not now,” Krisis replied. Without waiting for his comeback he returned to the bleakness beyond the glass pane. He didn’t want to get into it with him.

“Who’s the wolf, Krisis?” Thornton demanded again, his voice sounded clipped and impatient now.

“Leave it alone. You’ll hurt a lot of people if you carry on with your witch hunt!” Krisis growled as he rounded on him.

Thornton couldn’t leave it alone. His whole political career depended on finding the wolf. And he explained this to him.

Krisis looked like he was considering his position, his features softened a little. But then Leigh stirred on the bed, and he forgot everything else as he rushed to her side.

“I’m sorry,” Leigh tried to smile but her face hurt, in fact her whole body hurt.

“It’s not your fault. We’ll find the son of bitch who did this you,” he kissed her forehead gently.

“The kids…” Leigh lost consciousness before she could finish what she’d wanted to say to him.

Thornton called the nurses in. For ten minutes or so the room was as busy as fish market as they checked on Leigh and took her vitals.

“The car’s registered to a Dr. Linda Moore. It was stolen from the airport’s parking lot. We’ve confirmed she’s not the driver. She’s abroad, working with Doctors without Borders for the past few months so it’s really hard to say how long ago the car was stolen. I’m sorry,” Thornton updated him on the case.

They were alone again; the tension between them was still simmering. The wolf issue was far from over, but they had to put it on the back burner until the shit with Leigh was cleaned up.

“This is your fault!” Krisis glared at him. “If you’d let me go after him when he killed Jacqueline none of this would have happened!”

Thornton hung his head shamefully, “It could have been an accident.”

“Bull shit! Bull shit!” Krisis barked under his breath. He was conscious not to raise his voice; he didn’t want to upset Leigh. “What are the chances that Leigh gets run over by a maniac driver the same day she doesn’t have her security detail? Someone’s obviously been watching her. I know it, and you know it too. That son of a bitch almost killed Leigh today and I won’t let this go. I won’t!”

“Look, I understand that you’re upset, and you have every right to be angry, but I checked on Beau, he’s in the middle of a custody battle with Bianca and they were both in court when this happened,” Thornton explained.

“That doesn’t prove shit. He could have hired someone else to do his dirty work!” Krisis could have pushed on, but he felt fatigued suddenly. He put up his hands and pulled away from what would have been a full scale war if neither of them backed down.

“If you go after him, I can’t protect you, Krisis. I’m walking a very tight rope with the Council. They are up in my face, watching everything I do. Think about your kids. Think about Leigh.” Thornton was the first to break.

“I am thinking about my kids and Leigh! What kind of father and husband would I be if I let this go? What kind of a man would I be?” Krisis roared as he bunched up his fists.

“A smart man,” Thornton murmured.

Minutes ticked on. Nothing else was said for a long time. In fact nothing else was said for the rest of the evening, Thornton left shortly after that.

He stopped at the nurses’ station and asked to see Leigh’s visitors’ log.

The nurse, a plain-looking freckle faced girl, tried to use the standard ‘patient privacy bullshit’ on him, but he wasn’t in the mood.

With a little compulsion the nurse soon rolled over and gave him the log.

There were four names on the list. Two if you didn’t count his and Krisis’. His search for the wolf had been narrowed down considerably.

______

Credits: the lyrics to all the songs in the opening scenes are intellectual property of Fae/Zhippidy. Thank you Fae for all your help, I really do appreciate your kindness.