210. Make or Break Your Dreams

Warning: language

Bridgeport, present day...

Leigh was laid to rest on a bright sunny Tuesday morning at Eternal Rest Cemetery next to her mother.

Only her family and a handful of close friends attended.

Krisis' eulogy reduced everyone to tears, it was a beautiful tribute to a beautifully spirited woman he loved fiercely and without reservation.

Devon recited "Do not stand at my grave and weep" a bereavement poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye. It was the same poem Leigh had recited at their mother's funeral; Krisis knew it was one of her favorites, and he thought it was fitting for Leigh, she wouldn't want them to grieve, and she’d want them to celebrate her life by remembering her as the fun, big hearted, loving person that she was.

Krimsyn, Eloise and Michaela sang "Amazing Grace" as the coffin was lowered to the ground, one by one, silently, they all shuffled closer to the open grave to say their final goodbyes.

Cameron and J.D. helped the kids throw clumps of earth and white roses over the mahogany casket.

Krisis broke down at last when his time to let go of Leigh came. He'd kept it together for as long as he could, tried to be strong for everyone around him, especially his kids. Until now…

The drive home from the cemetery was subdued, everyone was lost in their own thoughts, trying to make sense of the past few days and find ways to move forward without Leigh. It was an impossible task, her presence lingered everywhere, in their homes, in their minds, but most of all in their hearts.

As soon as they got home, Krisis packed his kids' bags, getting ready to ship them off with their aunts and uncles.

Having them around hurt, they were a constant reminder of his failure as a husband and a father.

They all cried when it was time to leave.

Lily begged and screamed "I promise I'll be good daddy, don't send me away" over and over. And Krisis tried to explain to her that he wasn't any good to any of them right now. His grief was still too raw, his hurt still too fresh. But he assured them he loved them very much.

"If you love us, why are you sending us away?" Azalea asked in her small, baby voice. Krisis died his second death when he heard her words, and he couldn't give her an answer.

"Ohana means family daddy, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten," Ariel reminded him. It's something Leigh had taught them; she'd heard it from some Disney animation.

"I know," Krisis held her tightly to him and kissed her forehead.

Krimsyn and Eloise came in then, they were ready to leave.

"Be good daddy," Kristian called over his uncle’s shoulder as they were leaving. That too was all Leigh, and Krisis broke down again. Was there anything she hadn't taught them?

Through his tears he watched his family pull out of the drive way. Michaela and Cameron left first, with Eloise and Devon following closely. Krimsyn and JD were the last to disappear from view, and Krisis returned indoors.

He turned off all the lights and drew the blinds before he sat down on the couch in his living room.

Five minutes of silence proved to be too much for him. He grabbed the bottle of Vodka at the bar and took one long swig.

Before long, he'd drunk half the bottle, but the ache in his heart was still there. He drank some more, smoked a heck of a lot too, he was determined to outwit the pain.

And that became his routine over the next few days. He’d drink himself to a stupor, wake up, shower, drink some more and pass out in whichever room Leigh's presence felt the strongest.

He missed dozens of meetings and band practices, ignored a lot of phone calls too. Soon people started calling his home phone, but his answering machine took care of them.

One evening, drunk out his head, overwhelmed by his grief, he sat down at the dining table and began writing his note.

The thought had crossed his mind plenty of times over the past few weeks, but Leigh’s words when they’d visited her father’s grave soon after they were married, always held him back because he didn’t want to be like her father and lose sight of what’s important. He didn’t want to take the coward’s way out. Until today, until now… 

When he was done with his note he went to his safe, and took out his gun, and just as he was about to load it, his home phone in dining room rang. The answering machine picked up after the third ring. It was Thornton.

"There's a man. I think he can help you, Krisis, he can change everything, take you back to the start. call him-"

Krisis grabbed the phone from the hook before Thornton could hang up.

"Help me how?" He asked. His voice sounded hoarse and gruff, not surprising since he'd done nothing but drink, and smoke and cry over the past few weeks.

He listened to Thornton for a few minutes, nodding his head absently, forgetting the other man couldn't see him.

He was a little skeptical of Thornton's man, but he took down his number anyway.

Thornton tried to get in his head and get him to open up, but Krisis quickly cut him off and ended the call.

"I guess our appointment is postponed," he whispered at the gun in his hand…

It rained cats and dogs the day he was supposed to meet with Dr. Swarovski, Thornton's man.

But nothing could keep him away, not even the rain.

If there was a small chance that he could fix this, redo everything, he'd take it.

At Bridgeport’s Medical Centre, he found the lab without any hassles.

Krisis was surprised at how young the doctor was.

"Shouldn’t you still be in school?" he demanded as he glared at the youngish looking scientist.

The doctor looked taken aback by his question and for a second or two he looked lost and confused, and a little unsure of himself. But he quickly regained his composure and his eyes hardened a little.

"My age has nothing to do with my capabilities, I can make or break your dreams Mr. Frost," he straightened his back a little more, his voice growing more confident with each word he uttered.

Krisis returned his unwavering gaze, all the while wondering what in the world had possessed him to come here. He didn't know much about quantum physics, but common sense told him he'd hurt a lot of people if he went ahead with his insane plan. But he was hurting without Leigh, he had to try...

"Your father, I mean, Mr. Thornton told me-" The doctor was the first to back down; his words pulled Krisis out of his moment of indecisiveness.

"Can I see it?" He got straight to the point, ignoring half the things the other man was saying.

"Of course," Dr. Swarovski led him to his work area.

Like a magician, the doctor unveiled his life's work with a dramatic flick of his hands as he removed the tarp. It made a loud whooshing sound as it cascaded to the floor.

Krisis stared at the monstrosity in front of him while the doctor got rid of the tarp. 

The machine looked nothing like what he'd seen in the movies. This thing looked like an ancient elevator, and the idea that it could make all his dreams come true was just ludicrous.

Krisis laughed a bitter, scornful sound. He'd wasted his fucking time.

"Where’s the fucking time machine?" He asked when he was sure he had a handle on his anger.

"This is the time machine, Mr. Frost," the scientist replied.

The rest of their meeting was spent discussing the mechanics of the machine and a bit of quantum physics.

Dr. Swarovski felt Krisis had to understand the basics of the science before he could attempt to jump into any time stream, let alone change the future.

"Most people think of time as linear, but in reality time is relative-"

From the passionate way the doctor scribbled equations on the board, erased them, only to scribble more of the nonsense he called science, Krisis could tell that this was a subject very dear to his heart.

"So it is possible to go back to the past and change the future?" Krisis interrupted the doctor before he could get carried away.

"Yes, yes, it's not just a possibility, it's a proven fact!" The doctor beckoned for him to come closer and check out his log book.

It took Krisis a few minutes to realize he was looking at the doctor's personal experiments on the time machine. There were columns of  data showing moments he'd tapped into the time stream, most of them lasted no longer than five  minutes. But what fascinated Krisis the most was the correlation between the days of the experiments and the slight tremors experienced in Bridgeport.

"That was you; all those tremors were not real tremors? You were just tapping into the time stream?" Krisis asked, but it was really a rhetorical question.

The doctor nodded effusively, he looked very pleased with himself.

"Why don't you ever stay longer than five minutes?" Krisis questioned as he went over the log once more.

"it's simple physics Mr. Frost, the longer you stay in any given time stream or the further you go back into the past, the greater the potential to radically change the present and the future, or-" His voice trailed off, it seemed he'd said too much.

But Krisis wouldn't let him off the hook so easily. “Or what?"

The doctor wrung his hands, he was obviously uncomfortable with the direction their conversation was taking, but since Krisis was going to be paying a lot of money to rent the time machine he deserved full disclosure.

"Yes?" He prodded the doctor.

"Or the greater the risk of staying stuck in that time stream." Dr. Swarovski replied at last.

Krisis fell silent, thinking over the doctor's words. He hadn't decided just how far back he'd go; the doctor had certainly given him a lot to think about.

"Is there anything else I should know?" Krisis addressed him again; he was getting ready to leave.

"Yes, when you jump into any given time stream, it's not just your past, present or future you change."

"I don't understand! I thought I'll go in, get my wife and come back?" It was Krisis' turn now to look uneasy.

"It’s not that simple. You don't go in to grab someone; you go in to change the past and carry on from there, thereby creating a new present, and a different future. If you go back let's say to the day you met your wife, changing your initial contact will effectively change how the rest of your lives play out. You may fall in love, get married and have kids, but those kids won't necessarily be the same kids you have now."

“Are you saying that this reality, my kids, the band's success, my father, might not exist in the future I recreate?"

"Yes, Mr. Frost, that’s exactly what I'm saying.” With that the doctor brought the day's lesson to an end.

Krisis left the hospital feeling more vulnerable and confused than he was when he came in.

But as confused as he was though, he couldn't let go of the notion of the time machine. 

He wanted Leigh. He'd give anything to have her in his arms again, to see her smile once more, to hear her laugh, and make love to her, to dream their dreams together. He'd do anything to feel alive again. Leigh was his life, without her he was nothing. Without her, he didn't want to be anything...

His announcement when he broke the news to his family was met with mixed reactions.

Michaela and Cameron opposed him outright; they accused him of being self-centered and inconsiderate.

"You can't play God! It's not right!" Cameron raged at him.

Krisis took his wrath like a man, he understood his anger all too well, and it was justified. If he did go back to the past, Cameron and Michaela might not exist, he could very well marry Sylvia.

Michaela couldn't imagine a life without Cameron, after everything they'd been through, after everything she'd been through in her young life, she felt she deserved happiness, and Cameron was her happiness.

She tried to appeal to Krisis to change his mind, and when that didn't work, she played on his guilt by using his kids.

"Look at them!" She shrieked at him, as she pointed at their photographs covering the walls. Thankfully the originals were outside, playing in the garden so they were not exposed to the war the adults were engaged in.

"Can you honestly let them go? Write them off and pretend they never existed?"

Her words stung, they cut through him like a knife, creating more doubt and dissonance in him. But he still wouldn't back down. Leigh was his life. Without her, he and his kids were nothing.

Katie and Thornton were caught between a rock and a hard place.

Thornton would lose more than most in the room, he’d never have this relationship he had now with his kids and he might never meet Katie in the new future Krisis would create, but his son’s happiness meant everything to him.

Krimsyn and JD were half in, half out. They didn't like the idea of their unborn child, the triplets and Lily not existing. But this was also their chance to correct their past mistakes and be better parents to Michaela and they explained this to her.

"Don’t you see? Everything I went through, Blake going missing, my blood lust in Hollow Creek, Joshua-" the room went deathly silent when she mentioned her fledgling.

"I’m sorry," she put up her hands in an apologetic gesture, Joshua was a septic wound in all of them, and not talking about him was making it fester. Soon it would start to rot and smell and none of them would be able to cover it up.

"But I'm the person I am now because of the person I was then, my experiences, have shaped who I am. And just so you both know, I think you did a pretty good job raising me, look at other celebrity kids, I could be just like them, if not worse!" Michaela continued in a softer voice now.

Her words, as true as they were, brought JD and Krimsyn little comfort, they felt they'd let her down in so many ways, and Appaloosa Plains was something they could never forgive themselves for. And if they could undo it, if Krisis could go back to the past, perhaps they wouldn't even have to forgive themselves because they'd pay more attention to her, put her needs first, help her through her bloodlust, and maybe, just maybe they'd all come out happier.

Eloise and Devon who had been sitting quietly through the exchange finally shared their thoughts on the subject.

There were things they would like to change, like Eloise's lycanthropy. But there were things they also wanted to hold on to, like the love they shared and their son. But ultimately the decision was Krisis’.

"If you want to play God, be prepared for the consequences," Michaela warned him as they were leaving.

Krisis didn't say anything to her parting shot, there really was nothing left to say. He'd made peace with his decision.

He'd go back to the past, to his sister's living room where he met Leigh. He'll walk in and see her sitting anxiously on that lime green couch, but instead of mauling her, he'll take her in his arms, and tell her how much he missed her before she came into his life. And maybe, just maybe, the sincerity in his words will sweep her off her feet, and she'll let him in and allow him to love her forever.

Yes, he'd go back to that day, and tell Leigh about this reality, about their kids and how happy they were, and if he's lucky, she won't think he's insane.

And it was these thoughts that carried Krisis over the next few weeks, they gave him hope, and a reason to believe in something again.

And it was the dreams he’d shared with Leigh he thought about now as he approached the time machine in his dining room and prepared to take a giant leap of faith.

The tension in the room was unbearable, the air fraught with expectations, anger, and high hopes.

Michaela and Cameron's bewilderment was so strong it overpowered everyone else's emotions, and for a second Krisis found himself crushed under its heavy weight.

But then thoughts of Leigh and everything he had to say to her resurfaced and propelled him forward, taking him one step closer to the past.

Dr. Swarovski keyed in the coordinates on the time machine, it was really the date and the estimated time of the day he first met Leigh.

"Mr. Frost," Dr. Swarovski waved at the time machine, the coordinates were in place.

"Ohana means family, daddy," Ariel’s voice pulled him back, he glanced down at all his kids. The confusion in their eyes was unbearable, and for the first time since he decided to do this, he started to seriously question if he was doing the right thing.

"And family means no one gets left behind," Azalea added.

"Or forgotten," Lily chimed in.

Krisis knelt down then and took all four of them in his arms and squeezed them, "I know darlings. I know. But I have to get mommy, okay, then we call be together again."

Dr. Swarovski cleared his throat. He was getting impatient. They had to move things along.

"I love you all so much," Krisis told his kids as he straightened up from the floor.

"I’m ready," he turned to the doctor, but just as he was about to step into the time machine, a tiny hand pulled him back.

“Daddy, wake up!”

Krisis groggily sat up on the couch, gasping and fighting for air. 

"Mommy's awake, her eyes are glowing!" Kristian squealed gleefully.

It took Krisis' fatigued brain a few moments to process his son's words... 

________

Special thanks to Clarisse for her drunk pose pack found here, it's gobsmacking fabulous.